Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 57. 189. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 2. 189. All you need is love. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave It doesnt work if it is not open. 26. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. 4. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 179. 148. Socrates. Because he was always spotted. 178. Alright, get in the basket.. 64. You wanna know who Im in love with? health is important. 78. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 235. Good morning! What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Any text will do. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Funny Affirmation - Etsy It may feel useless but just get into it. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 5. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Your life is your message to the world. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. I love living in my unique female body. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Why is England the wettest country? Enjoy! Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Ben Hogan. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 99. 87. Keep your affirmations in the present. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Words have the power to make or break us. 146. 114. It was created to do amazing things. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. My liver still works. 5. Youre talking to yourself. 157. 26. 202. 3. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 246. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. With time, I have started to value more time. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. ~ Bill Gates. I am awesome. Not everyone has to like me. I just go normal from time to time. Erma Bombeck Albert King .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 218. I tried, but they wanted cash. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Love your enemies. I feel great. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Nobody gets out alive anyway. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 43. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 24. 1. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 209. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 21. 108. 128. Actually, you dont have to imagine. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 164. "I receive what I believe.". 91. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Look, youre smiling! Its a door, thats how they work. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 135. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 210. 127. 259. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 68. Theres no stopping me now. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. 191. 18. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 267. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 73. My body deserves love. 168. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Funny positive affirmations do work. In between, I am alive. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 80. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 212. 214. 123. 112. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 103. 223. Be careful when you follow the masses. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. What is Mozart doing right now? 195. 97. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Because he was always spotted. 66. I didnt want to interrupt her. 72. I tried, but they wanted cash. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 238. 61. Short Funny Affirmations. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 239. Why did the school kids eat their homework? I thought you said extra fries. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Sometimes the M is silent. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 2. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 237. 62. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. I thought you said extra fries. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. George Burns, 253. (John 14:27) 27. It just plain forms. 109. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. 187. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 118. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 1. 8. 161. 266. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. 272. Paul Ehrlich I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 89. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 262. 264. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 1. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. 116. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 51. 214. 62. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes 115. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 107. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Because they make up everything. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Jackie Collins, 240. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Happy Birthday.". My mistakes dont define me. 156. 8. 1. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 164. I tell you what always catches my eye. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. I am here to live to the fullest. Ive been doing nothing for years. Albert Einstein. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 65. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Socrates. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Run. 264. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I understand people talking about me. 145. 129. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 199. Its a door, thats how they work. With a cowculator. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 20. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 201. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Gary Delaney One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. 23. Yeah, so is a grenade. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 6. I am calm, patient and at peace. Can February march? My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 192. 250. Learn sign language, its very handy. 112. 273. 249. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 175. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Its okay if people dont like me. 177. 252. - Benjamin Franklin. 260. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Bill Murray Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 278. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. But then again so does . My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Wilson Mizner If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. I never apologize. 98. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 1. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. If only common sense were more common. What do I do for a living? 32. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. 119. Robert Bloch. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. I train my body. 132. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 9. 87. Take a look! 155. 148. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Good morning! Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. 1. 268. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. We have a connection. You can only be young once. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Read the first word again. "Have a great Wednesday. East Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 152. Your words become your actions. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 54. Short Funny Quotes. 32. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter And a funny bone., 10. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I always find something funny in every situation. 50. 143. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Who cares about the future? One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Enjoy! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 142. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 6. I'm doing great. 79. 154. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Make it inspiring. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) Franklin Jones I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 12. 122. Friends buy you food. Its okay, he woke up. I dont suffer from insanity. Not me, but somebody does. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 185. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 136. Those who snore always fall asleep first. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Effective pushing often involves poop. Live life to the fullest. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 105. 47. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 170. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. I did not trip and fall. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. I make the right choices every time. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Gary Delaney, 248. Frances McDormand, 42. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. So far, so good. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? "Don't let anyone ever dull your . I did it! My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 138. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 146. Sam Levenson. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Robert Bloch Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 176. A gummy bear. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 182. 60. 2. 269. It's OK to take a break. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 58. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Have a look! Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself 1. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 277. 159. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 134. avoid carbs. 133. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 186. 11. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 45. 162. I see food, and I eat it. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 3. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Flip Wilson 1. 84. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Charles M. Schulz Everyone brings happiness to this office. 224. 99. Benjamin Franklin I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Albert King. I dont think thats a coincidence. 31. I love my body. 234. 15. 7. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 7. 10. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. ". Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 274. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 267. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 226. Things are getting better all the time. Breasts dont have eyes. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I am grateful for all that I have. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. -Gandhi. 225. 232. It will warm you twice unknown. 133. 181. It doesnt work if it is not open. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 69. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. I enjoy every minute of it. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 73. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. 25. Today, I am thankful for this week. I am happy and joyful. 70. 198. I did not trip and fall. You cant have everything, where would you put it? My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 6. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 110. 132. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. 1. 171. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. It gets toad away. 1. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Ken Dodd, 255. 74. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Steve Martin Enjoy! They log in. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! 20. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 24. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Bill Murray, 260. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. I am too lazy to be lazy. 8. 243. Does it count if you say them in your mind? I intend to live forever. Its scary when it disappears. 253. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. - Catherine Pulsifer. 215. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 35. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 84. 15. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. Batwoman: single. Required fields are marked *. Its okay if people dont like me. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 60. Thank God Im an atheist. Cry a river. Cindy from Marzahn I wish my wallet came with free refills. My mind is becoming much sharper. 66. Oh sheet! Life always offers you a second chance. 196. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Best friends eat your food. In the morning, I cant get up. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. New year, new me. Only two more days until Friday.". 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure Steven Wright, 252. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Stuart Turner And a funny bone. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 29. Chris Rock, 256. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. Art doesnt transform. Learn sign language, its very handy. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. You can't wait for inspiration. So far, so good. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 178. 49. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. A wishbone. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. What is the tallest building in the entire world? When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 126. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 205. Mind blown! Swimming trunks. 55. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 2. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 8. 67. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. I nourish my body every day. 231. 160. I feed my spirit. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 272. Swimming trunks. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 94. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 93. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 5. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 207. Good morning! 54. They log in. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different.
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